No Air

I just finished my accounting exam at around 10:10am. I was stressing out because the 961 bus route was suppose to arrive at the busways at around 8.30 am and it was 10 minutes late. I don't understand why this university choose the exam date to land on a Saturday. Clearly a lot of university students don't drive OR don't own a car. Probably because we are students! We are jobless and most likely completely and utterly broke from spending our money on useless things in university such as textbooks, equipments etc..

When it was time to give the papers back to this substitute teachers in charge of our examination area, I realised that I haven't drawn/mark the circles yet, but I have written the down my name and student number on the boxes just not those circles.
So I did it when this asian chick was collecting the others and I think she got annoyed at how I made her wait so when I gave her my paper she said to me 'in exams you should put your name and student number before proceeding with answering the exams'. Well obviously she didn't realise or noticed that I actually came 20 minutes late on the venue. I wouldn't say it was a bitchy thing to say, more so I just couldn't be bother analyzing what her actions and words meant because at this instant I should really give my body some rest let alone my brain. Even though writting this blog entry does require thinking but I am sure this is one of my easy and happy thinking for my brain that it likes. To conclude this area I would blame the course convenor for even letting the exam date land on a Saturday morning at around 9am. Couldn't she do it somewhere during the arvo?

Moreover I am quite worried about my performance in that exam, last night I was having really bad headaches and couldn't concentrate. At that time all I could think about was 'how was I to study with this kind of headache' if not that thought then the other was was 'how can I get rid of this headache'.
So last night I procrastinated several times, I went for a walk around the building, slept on one of the couches next to the headmasters office then went on mangafox and got addicted to more of Gakeun Alice chapters.
Things like that, then when my headache was completely gone it was around 10:55pm and I was able to concentrate that time but I had to leave after an hour and half.

Then I procrastinated more when I went home by going through some of bebo's profiles, people that I don't know hoping that I would come across something that I recognize or know while at that same time I was charging my nano ipod.

So now I just finished my exam worrying about my grades but to be honest I should really rest for now.
 I didn't get enough sleep maybe just about 5 hours sleep, originally I intended to get 3 hours sleep originally but because my alarm clock didn't wake me up (the settings were on mon-fri use, so it alarms only on weekdays) so I got a bit more of sleep and woke up at around 7.30 am. I didn't even eat breakfast. So I am sure my head will be spinning by the time my significant other finishes work and pick me up from here. We are going on a date :D but won't be together for long because one of his good mates is having his birthday party tonight, yeah it sucks.
I mean we haven't gone on a proper date for 3 weeks now, I am assuming that things will be alright but then again its this one so most likely there won't be any plan and if there was one it would be the same routine.

Anyway lets move on,
Today I decided that I will bring back the nicer me and promise that my significants others bad habit will not be contagious for me (bad habits = being overtly judgmental and having bad thoughts about everyone) and I will start creating happy positive thoughts or not think anything if I look at someone.
I know that when I was living down the coast I wasn't as judgemental and fierce as I was here in the city. Probably because I came to have street smart around the city. I know that when people from the coast come here in the city they are dumb and don't know what to do for what city people would say. The only interpretation for this is because they aren't familiar with the area or they are jus inconsiderate.
In reality there will be a point in time in a person where they will be considered as inconsiderate no matter how good they are they will just come across that type of thing because we do make mistakes.

Last night or maybe the night before I was reading The Soul Princess of Oslo entry on 'do's and donts of blogger entry' [click here].
It was very interesting and inspirational, but at the same time kinda made me sad. I will explain more below.

She commented on keeping the blogs: [I just wrote down the main points that had an impact on me]

•  Good writting- no more than 200 words and short paragraphsOk I broke that rule already I know my english will never be perfect becuase my thoughts just explodes and I am too lazy to proof read my blogs. I seriously think that university assignments is enough. I just need a blog to let out my sudden emotions and incidents that is happening to my life. Since I hardly see any of my friend and hardly trust any, I take advantage of this blog as if it is my best friend. Pathetic? Yes I know.
  This blogger entry I is more than 200 words so another rule broken.
• Find your own material
  This will be the hardest thing for me because the only places I really go to is Uni and home.
• Take good quality photos
  Impossible! Well for me anyway! My camera is like useless, its been shaking and sooking so many times now it has been doing that for like 2 weeks. It actually kinda annoys me, not only is the crap quality that useless camera take it is also shaking when it sense a sudden movement.
  Most of my photos were taken from Tumblr, without tumblr my blogger will be just as boring as my life.
• Comment on other blogsThis should be the easiest for me since I procrastinate a lot and LOVE alot of websites and follow them like crazy.
• Find a blogging role model
  Well at first my blogging role model was Xiaxue Blogspot because of her amazing website design and interesting funny stories she makes. However at this moment The Soul Princess of Oslo is more of how everything in the world is beautiful and thats what I need really because uni life makes me hate the world, probably I am just frustrated that I am not living my life to the way I wanted it when I was young.
  That life would be similar life to sailor moon so there you go meaning la la land where I am asleep, hahaha.
  
• What the blog is about
  I am officially stuck because this blog to me is just about me writting down thoughts and emotions on incidents of my life. So yes this blog will never be interesting thats ok, I know I have no shot on becoming a journalist because I am so retarded hehe.  

• Don't comment on other blogs just to promote yourself
  Yes this rule is one thing I have not broken! I am so proud of myself 1 out of 7 this is all I can do. *sighs*
  I have to honestly agree with her with that. I see people on Tumblr and commenting on peoples Tumblr telling them how thier Tumblr are so awesoe and also asking them to follow them, just because that person (who commented) wants to be followed and make a lot of followers. I thought those kind of things were really pointless, its like asking someone to give you happiness. Plus who would be satisfied with that? I know I wouldn't I would rather write meaningless crap on this blog and knowing that no body is following me.
  Don't ask for happiness because you will be left feeling disappointed towards yourself in the end. You don't ask for happiness you go find a way to feel that happiness.

Why did it make me sad? I became sad after reading her blog (which was so beautifully written) because I realized that my whole entire life is about working hard and yet I don't give myself a benefit. So really what I mean is I am not living my life the way I want it, probably due to my family's financial situation, family situation and university.  As much as I want to travel like my friends (rich ones) or go hang out with them, I always think that I have a tight budget and I have to spend money wisely when all my friends are going uni and at the same time having fun by going out.
My parents always tell me 'suffer and study now and then later it will pay off because you will be successful that way' this quote even makes me sad because I am not performing that well in uni. I am just getting passes and I am not telling anyone because I am ashamed of it.
Being the eldest in the family a lot is expected of me. Even my significant other is expecting a lot from, he thinks that I am doing so well in my studies because he see me studies a lot. I study a lot and pretty much studying is the only life I lead but yet I don't get spectacular marks on my report.

That is probably why I am also glad I deleted facebok because everyone is trying to outdo each other on who has the best weekend/life/party. I know its a website to connect you from friends whom you don't see often but posting pictures up of events you participated in will create jealousy towards someone who don't do those or who didn't do those take for example me.
I am not a party animal, I don't like party or nightclubbing but I do like hanging out with close friends. Even if they are something boring the company soothes my soul. I have to decline on friends invitations on party all the time (except birthdays) because parties are not for me and if they are doing a gathering it is always the wrong timing (e.g. exam period). Although if I had money I could visit their homes anytime like what my significant other do. I really envy those people with a license and cars. A part of me wishes that my parents could afford to give me a car and I will worry about getting the money to pay for those driving lessons.
Now my parents really have no money and we might even have to sell our house and start renting.
Everything is falling apart.

I know the sadness and thoughts I just expressed above are not really related to the blog of The soul princess of Oslo but because her blog was so positive, beautifully written and has so much detail about the world that it made me pity myself, and yes I know thats terrible. But I am entitled to so I did it.

"Things fall apart so that you can pick it up and make them fall into places again"

Hopefully this will apply for me soon.