Overbearing parents

What concerns me the most now is how I am going to face my parents tomorrow, because somehow my mom found out today (this morning)  that I slept over a friends house last night. My second younger sister is useless in this kind of crap, she is of no use at all. Especially yesterday before I left I specifically informed her not to pick up the phone BEFORE I get home. Her excuse for picking up the phone was that 'grandma' was yelling to her to pick up the phone. 

She knew that I was going to a party before she left to Sydney and also she thought (and told my second younger sister) that I was planning to do some sleeping over a week ago. 

But I tell you what; It didn't even occur to me that my younger sister will be going to Sydney with my dad until the day before they were going to Sydney. So technically I wasn't planning it but more of taking advantage of the opportunity laid on my hands. I always wanted to know how sleep over was like. I am nineteen years old and about to turn twenty next month and yet I am not allowed sleep over. Pathetic right? 

My parents makes a big fuss about the whole 'sleep over' subject. They say some smart ass comments like 'if you like that way why don't you live there instead' or 'why don't you live on your own so you can do what ever you want' and worst days 'you won't understand until you have a kid of your own'. 

My parents are overbearing to the extreme; most of the time, especially when it comes to going out, parties and other social events. Even if they said that they are pretty much giving me the liberty, they use the guilt trip method on me so that I will feel conscious (and damn it! It works for them). Since I have a soft spot towards the people I love, my parents take advantage of it; even if they don't admit that I have a soft spot for them they use that tactic unconsciously. I mean how could I say no to my parents when I have a soft heart? Am I right?
If they (parents) didn't matter to me as much as they do now, guilt trips won't have an effect for me and so does crying. So in short I would be acting like my youngest sister who doesn't give a crap. 

Now I am searching whether parents with strict parenting style actually do succeed with good upbringing. Sure the kids might be an A+ genius but personality wise what are they like?

Now I came across this site. 

I totally relate to number 2 where it says 

Yes this is true! As soon as I read this I remember about the times where in high school I couldn't sleep over and I would cry myself to sleep because I was so jealous at the fact that I would miss out on the interesting bits during the late night session with the girls. I was jealous at the fact that my friends could travel parent-free when I have to have a parent with me before I could go. I was jealous at the fact that I couldn't go on a date without a chaperon. All these things that I didn't get to enjoy that normal white-kids in Australia could came back to me. I am Asian but I grew up in Australia so you think our cultural upbringing is the same as everybody right? Well GUESS AGAIN! My mom called my phone like 100 times during the schoolies week because she was scared that I will go visit schoolies area. I also remembered that before graduating year 12 they promised me that if I didn't go to schoolies the whole family will go back to Philippines for vacation and you know what that plan DIDN'T happen!

Then how about nightclubbing after I turned 18 my mom and dad made such a big scene before I was leaving.   Literally putting an act in front of my friends showing how worried they are, it was so shameful! My friends felt really bad and after that incident they didn't want to sleep over my place anymore, so thanks a lot mom and dad! [Sarcastically]

Then I remembered the bitterness I was having late last year to earlier this year. (Go back to the hacking incident post here, here and here). Then suddenly part of the main reason why I became bitter was because my parents won't let me do shit. Like I have to be home weekends all the time even if there is no special occasion, just as long as I am home my parents are happy and sane. I couldn't do travelling with friends even if I had money, I was not allowed - which is BS (bulls***). Then I already knew part of the reason why I was so bitter and started bitching to a friend of mine is because my parents triggered it. 

[click here for the source] 

I think that is the perfect description of my parents parenting style, although sometimes my mom would give praises but she sometimes would include indirect insults (without her thinking first that is). Meanwhile my dad hardly give praise to anyone unless it is worth bragging to people he knows. Like lately he brags about my youngest sister's success in singing (I don't blame them though) but sometimes you just get sick of it because it is the same shit and they don't allow other people to talk. 

When I tell my parents that they are damn strict they never admit to it and they say crap like 'if I were strict I wouldn't allow you to stay in uni so late at night' or 'I wouldn't let you go on a date with your boyfriend' or better yet 'you will not be doing things you are doing now'. 

That is true and you know what it took me fucking 18 years to work on that! There was so many heartaches and BS I went through just to get liberty that still have a rule attach to it on the side. 

If I could I would live on my own and will not worry about family if I wanted to. Personally I think I will do well in my studies that way because that means I won't have to worry about family problems during exam time or do chores during studying time. 

I reckon I would be stress free and will do better in my university studies if I didn't live at my house right now. The only problem is that I don't have a job and I don't have money to rent and live on my own. But if I do I would have done it before. 

Losing weight inspirations

You see the picture above I aspire to do something like that ever since this year started. 

Basically I am 50 kgs AGAIN, for your information.

My ultimate weight goal this year was to be weighing only 40kg, when I was still working out before winter started anyway.
Winter season screwed up with my momentum of being physically active.

Either that last semester's final exams screwed me over as well! I was buying so much lollies because I was stressing and panicking so much!

It is just that the weather was so good to sleep in and be lazy and eat hot chocolates lately so I really apologize to my body for not taking good care of it during the holidays. I shouldn't have been a lazy bum and just forced myself to work out. 

So lets just say the next photo is how much I weight and this is how much I would like to loose. 

Now I look like the chick above photo but maybe 5 kgs more. So I have been hiding my fat body underneath a long sleeve turtle neck.

I do want to be skinny, I am only 150 cm and I think that me being 50kg is making me even more stumpier than normal. I already lost 45kg during summer season and I just can't beleive as soon as winter started BAM!!! 

I gained 10 kgs, seriously I don't know how I do it. 

But I must say that part of it is my Steven's influence, he keeps taking me to restaurant with good food.

From now on, I am taking an oath of only eating SALADS this winter if I complain I am willing to remind myself again that it is for my own good. I will not skip meals because I am eating salad so no need.

Also you want to know the worst thing, I have a party to go to NEXT WEEK!

FARRRRRRKKKK!!!!

I was expecting that the next time I go to a party and next time I will see people I cut all ties with I will be super duper glamorous and SKINNY!

Atleast 10 kgs skinnier anyway!

I really hope I don't look like this, I am 5 kgs skinnier but I really hope I don't look as stump as this chick in the before photo! Damn! How do these girls loose that much weight instantly! 

I want to know how they discipline themselves, please I don't like the 'smoke if you feel like eating' because there is no effing way I will smoke!

p.s. I got the pictures from thininspiration, you want to increase that motivation of losing weight just visit her site.

So what's new pussycat?

So I am back in uni, as much as I can I am thinking positively. I don't want to be filled with jealousy, anger or paranoia so I decided that I will think happy thoughts.
Today was a good day, tiring but GOOD PLEASANT day.

I was suffering from a sore throat  yesterday and today but because of my positive attitude it seems like I was not suffering at all. Why do I say that? Well today everyone keeps giving me dairy, chocolate, sugar - things that are bad to eat when you have a sore throat. I keep explaining to them that I can't eat those because my throat really hurts.

I have finished everything that needs to be arranged in an academic progression warning - read this post. Now what's left for me to do (to show my faculty that I am an eager student) is attend workshops provided by the student services.
I will try attend as much as I can so that the next time I fail a course (please I hope not) they will see that I did everything in my power to prevent myself from failing. I do deserve some credit, I believe that out of all the student that I have met I am the most determined and  hard working one! Anyway, I will try do my best this semester and hopefully I will do better than I did last semester because if I don't I think I will have to pull the trigger of the gun that is pointing in my head.

Also today I received some lovely comments from Princess of many sorts so I was very happy. I only get to see it today, I am not sure when she wrote the comment, I didn't realize that there was a comment waiting for me to be publish. So yeah I was really happy when I saw that!

I am almost positive that not many things will bring me down because I am so positive that I am literally glowing. Even pimples in my face don't affect me as much as it did before. But I would like to do something about it as well!

Ohh I have been wanting to buy Adobe Photoshop Elements 8 and Adobe Primer Video Element 8 and I saw one today in my university campus and I was so astonished because it is only 145 dollars! In the Adobe website it is 135 dollars but that is only Adobe Photoshop Element 8. So cheap man! Well cheaper than the website price!

This program is good for my sister's album and youtube video, so we can edit stuff. I specifically want this for her not for myself because I don't have use for it. Plus I can help my younger sister get better business cards, cd album and youtube videos!

[For all of you who didn't know my sister is aspiring to be a famous singer so yeah this programs are essentials.]

Anyway I better head of I got to go to my lecture for accounting (the one I failed last semester) hopefully this time isn't as boring as last semester ( I doubt it!).