Thursday, April 14, 2011

Office Politics

First of all Office Politics are bull! They are so democratic and sometime autocratic but more or less in going up you would need to connect to the right people. You would also require to need the right people in the area you are most interested in.

So basic updates of my life:

  • My BM did not give me the managerial position even though on March 11 at around 3:30pm he told me 'I am going to start treating you like a manager because I want you to step up for this position.'
  • My new kiosk supervisor did not come from a banking background and now they expect me to train him in regards to technical matters. 
  • When I spoke to my BM's boss she informed me that she trust her underlings in whatever decisions they make and that if I have any queries in regards to job opportunities and career development within the organization I would require to have a chat with my previous manager and this BM.
    [Yeah freaking crap! I don't even want to talk to that BM! He is a PERRA!]
  • Questionings of my development and blaming myself for being a silent achiever in this organization has caused me to rethink my new attitude and behavior in this organization.
  • The human resource fella (nice guy), informed me that I was not able to make it to the shortlist of interview for the customer advisory role in a particular PB because one of the requirement is to be able to speak Korean.  SUSTANTIVO!
    • First of all why do you have to adapt to this type of clients? I know it is all about clients satisfaction. BUT why are they still in Australia not knowing how to speak English and to the extent you have to hire people who speak their language? Why don't they learn English?
      When you are in an English speaking country, know the language and be one of us!
      I thought they have change the immigration policy for every non-permanent residency people who wish to be on a PR?
      First of all I am not being racist to Asians because I am half Asian myself and if you don't believe me I can speak, write and read intermediate Japanese! Plus English is not my first language, I migrated here in Australia on 2000 and I made sure I would be able to speak English because I know I want to live here!
  • I am seeing my developments and job opportunities as being limited to the extent that it is becoming extinct and I am scared for my own sake
  • First of all I don't want to train my own supervisor and yet he is higher up at me. I mean he hasn't done anything to me personally BUT my own pride and ego has been crushed because I know I am more qualified than this guy and I have more experience and knowledge!
  • I gave my credit card to my dad for him to use for weekly groceries because we are short in our financial, since my mom is currently looking for a new job. 
  • I have no savings and I can't even buy nice things for myself. I swear with this hardships I deserve to win the lotto right at this moment.
Letting out my frustrations like this makes me want to scream. I think one of the things I hate about myself is the fact that I cannot just put it on people because I am so careful of their feelings and mentality and I damage my own.
This has greatly affected me as a person that I am so demotivated in my own work and self. As much as I would hate to admit it I feel that only my university gives me a sense of security and satisfaction in my life.

I also don't want to do so much self pitying (yes I have not really poured out my feelings, and in fact I do want to cry my heart out but no I choose not to) because as a religious person I don't want to blame my own God for my misfortunes. I know that these incidents are an openings for a better opportunity even though at this moment I am walking in the dark and trying to find the doorknob of that door that will lead me to that bright light of happiness and satisfaction. 

So yes that is my current updates of my life.
I guess you can say that I am making sure that I am increasing my internal locus of control. I have put stop to expecting that it is fate and it is destiny and decided that if I really want it I will work on it myself. I will just ask guidance and blessing from above.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

I am number four (uni week)

This photo keeps reminding me of what happened today at my MGTS 2604 Tutorial class.

Sure I was late for my class today but was it necessary to add in something stupid ‘I don’t care if you get hit by a bus for all I care’?

If you ask me this is so unprofessional and inappropriate type of talking to a student. Obviously we did not get on good terms since day one but this OLD brood is definitely a  PERRA and imbécil!
[swear words are in spanish so go look them up if you know what I am talking about.]

My significant other told me not to take it personal and just stand up for myself next time. But how can you just quéjese bofetada this woman when she is the one in charge of marking your assignment and exam papers!
I’ll get her on the last day of semester, it would be my sweet revenge!

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Don't take me for a fool

So my Branch manager (BM), who have about 12 months to prove his way is working for his employees; saw me yesterday.
Though he did not bring up the $50 reward he was suppose to give me (actually it is more than that), he also gave me an impression that he will let me down (as usual).
First of all this ass does not even believe in me. He does not think I am capable because I don't normally put my input or my say because simply I don't want to share my ideas to him and claim it as his and take credit for it (he has done that before) because he is your typical greedy bloke. Only care about himself.

Yesterday when I mentioned to him that I am willing to take on full time kiosk manager role he looked so displeased. He also mentioned 'I have someone in mind already' but he didn't clarify for which role.
First of all why 'I have someone in mind already' will not work; because this someone needs to be kiosk compliant meaning he/she needs to have the same knowledge as kiosk advisers now. It is not like your usual branch employee transfer because we get audited as a kiosk team! So its not a fucking easy thing to do! You need to get someone to go to a training somewhere in Australia if you want that person to work at a kiosk!

Second everyone in the branch seems to be leaving him because they do not get along with him well. Also an employee down the branch who have informed BM about her/his resignation has casually added to me in a conversation 'staff leaving the branch should tell you something'. These staff leaving are staff who have been working there for quiet some time, so those big changes are something the BM's employer should questions the BM. He is not even secured BM and if he is (have a high chance of being one) I am going to look for a job soon. Because working for that man is horrible.

He promises so much and NEVER deliver! Like for e.g. every home loan referral will equal to $50, and now it has been 1.5 months and no $50. Meanwhile my other colleagues got $50 from him like 5 weeks ago, and has been getting more as well.

The past week I have been performing and I dare say more than my colleagues but I do not see recognition, appreciation or rewards.
Then yesterday he gives me a displeased look after I casually mentioned to him that I am willing to take on the role.

If he is a step ahead of me I'll make myself two steps ahead of him, I have decided for my sanity's sake I am applying for a new job that is within my company now (let's call it AB) or not within AB. As long as it is a better position than my job now. It doesn't matter whether it is a full time or part time role, either way I'll take both.

Because my plan is when BM break the news to me (like what I am expecting , which is not give me manager position and assign it to someone, and make me train that someone); I'll break even more shocking news to that BM ass face!

That is my awesome revenge plan for being inconsiderate.
Seriously I purposely actively disengaged myself and if he is a good BM he would have noticed now.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Self-reflection

Everytime I think about the hacking incided; my heart beats faster.

I kept thinking about the hacker and how they have some part of my deep dark secret, that I vowed never to be let out.
I can never claim it back now. It is a secret I have never told anyone about.

I don't exactly know what it is but everytime I think about it, I can't help but feel helpless and vulnerable.
It feels like it would taint my reputation and even my solid foundation, that I built myself; all will be left to waste.

I feel as if the mask I put on will be broken and everyone will see right through me instantly. I know it is not a big deal but for a person such as I who has kept this secret inside my heart; made my heart a place of secrets, one that has seen too much and concealed too much to be at peace with itself.
Before I thought 'I don't care what other people say, they don't know me'. However now that my secret has been exposed and witnessed by an evil hacker I feel vulnerable and defenseless.
I hope 'what comes around goes around' will forfeit.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Change of heart

I have decided recently to stop making friends with people who are completely useless and assholes to me. I guess I thought this particular friend was my friend for life because we went through the hacking incident together. I guessed wrong. Just like my partner's word 'I told you so' I finally told my heart the same thing.

Why the sudden change of heart?
Before I begin I want to inform people who read this that I will NOT tell the whole story because it is too much of a bother wasting my time on such. So just pointing out the most important things that affected me the most will be the only mentioned.

Well one thing for sure was that when this friend of mine gave birth I visited her out of my own will. Because I was excited for her blessing; even though this was completely one of the things she should be embarrassed about since it is out of wedlock and such young age. The baby was 6 weeks premature, and born on February 5 2011.
I know deep inside her that she was embarrass of herself especially seeing me still look as young as I am and able to wear heels to look good etc...

Anyway...

So I visited this friend of mine and I did feel that she wasn't grateful seeing me even though I drove all the way down the coast which is like 100KM away from my town.
Her comments contains of such 'I can't beleive you drove all the way from [insert place] to here.' and my other favourite was 'oh this was her first toy aside from that other toy my friend gave me'. She didn't even try to squeeze in the word thank you but just have this silly comment with a ridiculous fake face.
I don't know what I did to her to make me get the feeling she was being ridiculously fake and cold to me.

Another surprising thing was that she brought up the story how some people came to visit her in the hospital saying "Oh we were suppose to come to you baby shower but we came to see you after giving birth instead". Yes that is like the biggest and dumbest thing to say to me, since A I was not invited. Even though she informed me that I was the godmother of her baby girl and yet I was not one of the people invited for her baby shower. One of the reason for not being invited could be is because the people who is helping her plan it are the people who hate me, but still a personal invitation from her would suffice, I wouldn't even mind if she invited me and informed me that others are not keen on seeing me. Whatever it is I have decided to NOT make friends with this kind of people because it is pointless.

She also started complaining how people keep coming in and out to see her, even if she didn't want too many people. I felt a bit awkward while she was telling me this because I started to wonder if she felt the same way about my visit. You know how ungrateful is she? I mean those people are just visiting her because they want to congratulate her and see the baby, why can't she be happy that at least people came to see her instead of no one coming to visit her because this baby was born out of wedlock.

Anywa, I do not gain any benefit being friends with this kind of people and I feel stupid and degraded knowing they are of the same race as me.

I have finally give up on this type of people.

I am going to live for myself and make other new friends that aren't like them.

"Life is full of new beginnings. Some change may come, something is sure to come, to close one chapter and being another. " Mrs. A.D. Whitney

Saturday, January 29, 2011

A fairytale with a twisted kick

I want to give you guys a challenge. I want you to tell me what you thought the story was about. 
I want to know where you guys think I want to bring you in. 

People in the story:
Luriana = Me 
Stacey = second oldest sister
Arethra = youngest sister
Mom = my mother duh!
Steven = my boyfriend. 
Extra = Stacey's friend and servants

Once upon a time there was a girl called Luriana she was travelling through the woods and there she discovered a castle. She thought 'it is not as big as the disney castle trademark but this is absolutely stunning'. Curiosity lured Luriana into exploring more inside, she did not even considered the possible consequences for trespassing.

Once she entered the castle the very first thing Luriana sees are servants and maids greeting her with a bow and at the same time they said 'your arrival has come; we have been expecting you Luriana.' 
She was shocked and flabbergasted because she did not know or try to know the reason why she was appointed as the new princess. Nevertheless she did not know the history of the castle and she had no intentions of knowing; she just wanted to enjoy the feeling. She was being insolent and just wanted to enjoy living inside a castle. 

[Yeah I know, I am a spoilt brat in this story however read on ]

Suddenly the scene changes and she can see that her family has joined her; her mother, her father and her two younger sister. 
Stacey also invited some of her friends along, since all her friends were fourteen year olds, they went spastic as soon as they entered the castle. Arethra was also there playing along with Stacey's sister even though she was two years younger than them. The children kept commenting on how lovely the wallpaper is and how big and antique the furnitures are etc... 

[Keep reading, it gets even more random.]

When it was time for Stacey's friend to leave the castle to go to their own respective homes Stacey got upset. Luriana wanted to cheer her up and decided to give her a chocolate. Stacey didn't like the chocolate and refused to finish it. However the mother was too happy that she was just smiling and making jokes among the servants rather than cheering her own daughter. 

[if it is confusing read it again to understand. I know too much effort but Do It!]

Feeling tired and annoyed at Stacey, Luriana decided to have a tour around the infamous castle. The first place she wanted to see was the tower. She was hoping that she will find sleeping beauty inside the castle like the stories in her childhood fairytales. On her way up to the tower Luriana found a sparring centre that looked old and designed for royalty. She went inside to pick up the skeleton and black hair lying on the ground. Suddenly as soon as she touched the black hair she saw a vision of what happened. 

[Yeah freaky but keep reading it gets even more random.]

The skeleton belonged to the previous king (since the skeleton was wearing a king's outfit along with a crown). She saw a scene Castle and skeleton owner king (King A) fighting with another king from another kingdom (King B). Before the kings fought there was an obstacle that they must avoid to save their lives. It was a machine in the middle of the sparring centre long and sharp, metal that reacts to human moves. It can do whatever to any human it comes across. It normally pushes you off or it could electrocute you until you die. In the vision Luriana was seeing King A got attacked by the deadly machine first and nearly fell off a deep hole, while King A was finding a way to save his life King B was laughing at King A's terrible start. King A was thrown off the sparring ground several times. However once King A got out of the situation, King A found a way to make the deadly machine as his ally to claim victory from King B. The last time King A let the machine throw him off the sparring ground; as soon as he stood up he drew out his sword on his left and carried the machines tail on his right to attack King B at the same time. King B managed to dodged the sword from King A but there was no way he could dodged the machine. The machine pierced straight into his body and the next thing King B decided to do as an attack was grab King A's both leg. King A could not get him self out of the King B's grasped and therefore they both collapsed and died. 

[Above was suppose to be the violent, adrenalin rush part. Ended just like Hamlet.] 

After that vision Luriana became very suspicious of the castle history, she wanted to know more of the incidents that happened inside. She wanted to avoid all possible danger that will get her and her family. 
So Luriana went to the caste's office and started to look at old documents and books that has information of the past. 
Somehow the name that sounds like 'mow', 'moe' anything that started with an M. Luriana felt that was what she was looking for, she got a hunch that name will bring her the answers because she keeps hearing it in her thoughts. 

[The next part gave me goosebumps while writing it.]

While Luriana was looking through the books and papers she got shocked and surprised by a voice. At first she couldn't understand but when it was getting closer to her she heard 'Glandolia'. As soon as she can hear it clearly, a handsome man spirit with a dog beside him appeared before her. He was standing as if he was still alive, he moved as if he was alive. The dog with the gentlemen did the same. This man was dressed like a royalty there was nothing that Luriana could think of aside from thinking that he was handsome. His appearance look well, big built, kind and gentle features. Luriana could tell he used to be a swordsman. Luriana asked the gentlemen 'who is Glandolia?' 
His response was a kind smile and looked over at the piles of documents. She followed his gaze and she found a black diary that did not seem to belong among the files. As she opened the diary she saw a beautiful picture; it was a girl with black hair, round face and prominent features. The girl in the picture is the ideal girl that the olden days find beautiful. Even Luriana's eyes found her beautiful. In the diary there was all sorts of notes written but what got Luriana's attention was a small post it note saying 'allergic to pollen and cotton'. 
Luriana sighed and thought 'poor thing'. 
While holding the diary Luriana looked at the spirit from the corner of her eyes and saw the spirit making a sorrowful smile. She immediately thought and knew that the spirit was in love with Glandolia. Again while holding the possession of Glandolia she saw another vision it was of Glandolia but it was confusing for Luriana because the vision made it feel like Glandolia is dead but Luriana only saw Glandolia running away and disappearing. 
Suddenly Luriana felt a stabbing pain in her heart after seeing the vision. 
To break the awkward silence she asked the spirit and the dog if they have eaten already.

[Yeah wierd right, but read on]

To her surprise the dog started wagging his tail real hard and the spirit said 'no I am starving'. 
So Luriana started cooking straight away. While cooking inside the kitchen one of the chef reminded me and pointed out the window that no one here inside the castle even my family can get attention that will involved media or startle other citizens. The reason for this was that the castle had an infamous history and to protect their sacredness of the place they need to be hidden from many people. 

[Strange how there are staff inside the castle and no owners but life goes on]

Suddenly the scene jumped from the castle to a small quiet town that are aware of the sacred castle's existence. They also were informed that Luriana's has been appointed as the new princess because they were given newspaper. Steven suddenly appeared and he had to change to a royal bank to be able to live with me; so nevertheless I had to change mine too.

[WTF right? why is there a bank in the olden days? I thought only tax collection existed back then]

People in this small town new each other very well and Luriana started wanting to know them because she knows that she will be spending a lot of time there if she wanted a new atmosphere. While she was walking past shop and houses inside the town she came across a small cute little school and there the school principal approached her. The school was right next to the town's bank (not royal bank fyi). 
Then the principal started asking me questions upon why I made Steven change his bank as well. She was telling me that Steven was one of their customer that has been in that bank for a long period of time.
I got really angry and confuse I walked away from the old lady without responding to her. 

[Yeah so random but keep reading it is nearly over and you will understand soon]

The final scene was me eating breakfast with the prince spirit and dog spirit and I was looking out the window while eating, and something bothered me I saw the guards near the gate panicking about a wild horse. Because I was concerned I quickly ran from inside castle to the gate (very long run) to help them. By the time I got to the gate the problem was fixed so pretty much Luriana's effort in running was useless and she felt that she should have just saved her energy for more of her castle exploration. 

The End
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So for those who haven't noticed the story was NOT based on how creative I have gotten or how crappy my grammar and story telling techniques but it was based on a dream I had today. 

It has been psychologically proven that when you are asleep you only dream during that 45minutes before you awake. Normally when you remember your dream vividly there is a control in your cognitive function telling you that you are about to wake up soon and this dream will help you wake up.

My normal sleep, I have dreamless nights. Normally I just remember pitch black and I wake up seeing pitch black. It is only on occasions that I do remember my dreams. However when I do remember my dreams, I feel like my dream is telling me something. I don't feel satisfied until I can self explain the meanings behind those dreams. 

Today, all I remember was that I woke up from a beautiful dream. Some part of me felt really forlorn when I woke up. It is the very first time that I remember loving and enjoying my dream.

In my dream everything was happening to fast; even if it was too fast, it was still understandable to me. My dream was jumping to one scene to another, somehow the most unexpected people was appearing in my dream as well. 


 link





Those are the meanings of what my dreams just told me according to Google. 
I WANT someone to come up with the most interesting reason why I had this dream today.
If I get a lot of responses I will give prices out :) 

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Updates

Life is good for me personally, I have job and university semester just finished.
Our family's financial situations is screwed though because mom just resigned from her job. Why? you ask well her boss is the biggest douchebag.
Racist, Unreasonable, Pessimist and Arrogant that is the boss's characteristic! Hate to be working for someone like that. I don't know how to help my family, the only thing I can do is to increase the $200 fortnight money I give to them. Other than that that is all I can do. It makes me sad thinking that your love one is suffering it is just not fair don't you think?

Anyway I want to complain about a new girl at my work who happens to think that she is everything. She's 30 and has a 13 year old daughter and she keeps talking about how successful she is and yet she is working in the same position as me. You would think that someone with so much experience and success will be up the executive role by now, not this bitch. She just likes to talk shit, at first I was like 'wow!' not I am not believing anything she is saying because she talks shit!
She is already rich why does she need to work?

Also I would like to get a new computer. Why? Because all the keys on my keyboard are fucked up!

So this Christmas does not really feel like Christmas at all. I wish it'll get better than this soon.