Everytime I think about the hacking incided; my heart beats faster.
I kept thinking about the hacker and how they have some part of my deep dark secret, that I vowed never to be let out.
I can never claim it back now. It is a secret I have never told anyone about.
I don't exactly know what it is but everytime I think about it, I can't help but feel helpless and vulnerable.
It feels like it would taint my reputation and even my solid foundation, that I built myself; all will be left to waste.
I feel as if the mask I put on will be broken and everyone will see right through me instantly. I know it is not a big deal but for a person such as I who has kept this secret inside my heart; made my heart a place of secrets, one that has seen too much and concealed too much to be at peace with itself.
Before I thought 'I don't care what other people say, they don't know me'. However now that my secret has been exposed and witnessed by an evil hacker I feel vulnerable and defenseless.
I hope 'what comes around goes around' will forfeit.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Change of heart
I have decided recently to stop making friends with people who are completely useless and assholes to me. I guess I thought this particular friend was my friend for life because we went through the hacking incident together. I guessed wrong. Just like my partner's word 'I told you so' I finally told my heart the same thing.
Why the sudden change of heart?
Before I begin I want to inform people who read this that I will NOT tell the whole story because it is too much of a bother wasting my time on such. So just pointing out the most important things that affected me the most will be the only mentioned.
Well one thing for sure was that when this friend of mine gave birth I visited her out of my own will. Because I was excited for her blessing; even though this was completely one of the things she should be embarrassed about since it is out of wedlock and such young age. The baby was 6 weeks premature, and born on February 5 2011.
I know deep inside her that she was embarrass of herself especially seeing me still look as young as I am and able to wear heels to look good etc...
Anyway...
So I visited this friend of mine and I did feel that she wasn't grateful seeing me even though I drove all the way down the coast which is like 100KM away from my town.
Her comments contains of such 'I can't beleive you drove all the way from [insert place] to here.' and my other favourite was 'oh this was her first toy aside from that other toy my friend gave me'. She didn't even try to squeeze in the word thank you but just have this silly comment with a ridiculous fake face.
I don't know what I did to her to make me get the feeling she was being ridiculously fake and cold to me.
Another surprising thing was that she brought up the story how some people came to visit her in the hospital saying "Oh we were suppose to come to you baby shower but we came to see you after giving birth instead". Yes that is like the biggest and dumbest thing to say to me, since A I was not invited. Even though she informed me that I was the godmother of her baby girl and yet I was not one of the people invited for her baby shower. One of the reason for not being invited could be is because the people who is helping her plan it are the people who hate me, but still a personal invitation from her would suffice, I wouldn't even mind if she invited me and informed me that others are not keen on seeing me. Whatever it is I have decided to NOT make friends with this kind of people because it is pointless.
She also started complaining how people keep coming in and out to see her, even if she didn't want too many people. I felt a bit awkward while she was telling me this because I started to wonder if she felt the same way about my visit. You know how ungrateful is she? I mean those people are just visiting her because they want to congratulate her and see the baby, why can't she be happy that at least people came to see her instead of no one coming to visit her because this baby was born out of wedlock.
Anywa, I do not gain any benefit being friends with this kind of people and I feel stupid and degraded knowing they are of the same race as me.
I have finally give up on this type of people.
I am going to live for myself and make other new friends that aren't like them.
Why the sudden change of heart?
Before I begin I want to inform people who read this that I will NOT tell the whole story because it is too much of a bother wasting my time on such. So just pointing out the most important things that affected me the most will be the only mentioned.
Well one thing for sure was that when this friend of mine gave birth I visited her out of my own will. Because I was excited for her blessing; even though this was completely one of the things she should be embarrassed about since it is out of wedlock and such young age. The baby was 6 weeks premature, and born on February 5 2011.
I know deep inside her that she was embarrass of herself especially seeing me still look as young as I am and able to wear heels to look good etc...
Anyway...
So I visited this friend of mine and I did feel that she wasn't grateful seeing me even though I drove all the way down the coast which is like 100KM away from my town.
Her comments contains of such 'I can't beleive you drove all the way from [insert place] to here.' and my other favourite was 'oh this was her first toy aside from that other toy my friend gave me'. She didn't even try to squeeze in the word thank you but just have this silly comment with a ridiculous fake face.
I don't know what I did to her to make me get the feeling she was being ridiculously fake and cold to me.
Another surprising thing was that she brought up the story how some people came to visit her in the hospital saying "Oh we were suppose to come to you baby shower but we came to see you after giving birth instead". Yes that is like the biggest and dumbest thing to say to me, since A I was not invited. Even though she informed me that I was the godmother of her baby girl and yet I was not one of the people invited for her baby shower. One of the reason for not being invited could be is because the people who is helping her plan it are the people who hate me, but still a personal invitation from her would suffice, I wouldn't even mind if she invited me and informed me that others are not keen on seeing me. Whatever it is I have decided to NOT make friends with this kind of people because it is pointless.
She also started complaining how people keep coming in and out to see her, even if she didn't want too many people. I felt a bit awkward while she was telling me this because I started to wonder if she felt the same way about my visit. You know how ungrateful is she? I mean those people are just visiting her because they want to congratulate her and see the baby, why can't she be happy that at least people came to see her instead of no one coming to visit her because this baby was born out of wedlock.
Anywa, I do not gain any benefit being friends with this kind of people and I feel stupid and degraded knowing they are of the same race as me.
I have finally give up on this type of people.
I am going to live for myself and make other new friends that aren't like them.
"Life is full of new beginnings. Some change may come, something is sure to come, to close one chapter and being another. " Mrs. A.D. Whitney
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