Conditions up, Confidence down

Every since Steve (boyfriends blog name) got the job the same as me (of course with my help) I have been feeling annoyed and agitated.

1. Firstly we are hiding our relationship status because it might affect our work opinions/situation.
2. Next is the douche gets to go to Melbourne for training! How unfair! I have to go to a woop woop place that hardly has other methods of transport.
3. Last I so badly want to get my license and car but I know car impossible and license I have to pay for my lessons.

I don’t really want o ask the bank for a student personal loan or home loan yet because I am still on probation unless I pass the compliance audit and become permanent part-time successfully I don’t want to have any loans with the bank I am working for, since I can’t guarantee to pay it if I don’t obtain this job.

Because of my desperation in wanting to keep this job I am considering not doing summer semester and extended my graduation date as 2012 semester 2. It really sucks knowing that I am not graduating sooner.

Lately Steve has been really annoying, ever since he got the job all I hear him talk is about how he will dominate the bank that he just got recently hire for. He hasn’t gone into training yet and he feels so high and almighty already like he did in real estate. I hope he doesn’t make the same mistake as he did in that real estate job because that will ruin my reputation as well. Somehow I can see Steve being overly demanding in his needs and wants that he is going to complain to me all the time.

Also in my head I have been so restless about me losing my job because of him or him screwing me over. If that ever happens I will be so frustrated that I am going to want to break up with him. It’ll be pick n’ pay scenario all over again.

(I hope not because this job means a lot to me and with my help I got him this job)

To be honest I really didn’t want him to get this job but because he got fired from his real estate job, he felt really down me being employed and having support from a big branded bank in Australia I felt sympathy and informed him that there was a vacancy.

I really hoped that he wouldn’t get it because

• first – I don’t ever want to work with him
  (his dad’s café experience was enough for me)
• second- he might taint my good image reputation
• I don’t want him to do better than me in sales and since he has experience he will own me and I will get so jealous and competitive. Even though I promised he I won’t but I know myself and so I don’t see me sticking to that promise. We might even screw each other in the end.
• Last I just don’t understand how he is so lucky and blessed with things happening for him this year. I mean this year he got employed in a real estate and then got fired then he got the same job as me and he gets to go to Melbourne for three weeks to train. I mean something is just not right.

People are probably thinking I am such a horrible girlfriend for thinking so, but it is not at all like that. I am just jealous to be honest the fact that the whole thing is just going his way. Meanwhile I am here working hardcore and have to work and put up with a big amount of bullshit before something amazing happens to me. I am truly happy that Steve is having a wonderful life, to be honest I prefer it like that rather than him sulking and complaining about his life because he will put his stress, emotions and anger at me. However know he is just becoming cocky and he is now starting to knock me down with his gigantic ego and amazing life. He is acting as if he is the boss and he is better than me. Call me unreasonable but I am still human. I can still feel emotions and just because Steve is my boyfriend does not generally mean that he have VIP exceptions when it comes to sensitivity of my feelings.

I just don’t understand what about Steve that gives him all these opportunities. Sure I am only 19 and it is so awesome for me to get this job and Steve is turning 22 this year but still it sounds like a whole foundation has been laid out and set for him with these fortunate series of events.

I worked twice as hard as he did looking for a job. I coped a lot of shit from Steve (while employed at real estate), about me not looking for a job. You know how much bull shit I handled from Steve because he thought I wasn’t looking for a job but this whole time I was just doing it behind his back and I simply did not want to apply in the same place as his friends so even when he recommended me to the same workplace as his friend, I was reluctant because I didn’t want to be working with his friend. The biggest thing I don’t want to happen is gossip and working with his friend will give me so much rumours and gossip bullshit.

However you know what is the worst thing, the fact that Steve doesn’t really recognize that I was the main source of him becoming successful for an interview with this job. I mentioned his name to my regional boss and he looked it up. Steve does say something like ‘yes I know that you help me a lot with getting this job’ BUT he also add ‘but I did the rest, so you did your part by opening the gate and I went through and parked there’. Like can’t you just shut up and say thank you.

Steve has been acting high and almighty as well about the fact that he gets to go to Melbourne for three weeks with accommodation, food and allowance paid for. He thinks he is some big shot for training in Melbourne. He is pretty much doing the same job as me just different trainer!

Every since he got the job he is giving me a vibe that he would rather hang out with his friends because ‘I am not cool enough to  be seen around with him because I don’t drink, talk a lot, talk shit and can’t drive’. Yeah sure it sucks that I can’t drive but he doesn’t need to rub it all in my face. I swear once I get my license and actually have a car he won’t be seeing me much. The questions is will he even see me at all if I have a license. Me think not.

I do want a car a big fat shiny car like this below

2011 Land Rover LRX.

ME LIKE!

Dream Car above! I want that Land Rover so bad! Two doors as well, it is like a sports car but big! With the Land Rover no one can bully me! They'll give way for me when I am on the road! Most females driving small cars gets bullied on the road for being a women, I'll show them!

If I become reach because I know I will, I just have that workaholic career woman attitude. So if that ever happens I would like this

Such a sexy car. You will be mine someday!

But because I am poor and too low (not on employment status) to be even noticed I have to get something reasonable priced card and something a student personal loan can afford.

Most students who paid for their own car owns this type of cars.

Cheap affordable and convinient. 

Unless you are a rich spoiled kid then they get their parents to buy them one.

Meanwhile me on the other hand will have a hand me down car which is

Kia Rio (old, no automatic window)
We still use it as a family car, mom's car that is.

But first I have to pay for driving lessons which is $50 a session (an hour) or it could cost more, because people are scums these days. I know that I will definitely not get an asian car driver because I want a smart person who will think me how to driver SMARTER. Asians are just the worst drivers you could say, yeah not proud of it because me Asian as well.

Really I have to think about how I am going to budget my money.

I am spending ridiculous amounts I have been trying to refrain myself but I just go crazy everytime I get my pay. This week didn’t get paid much only one grand with a 200 tax, shit tax. The higher your pay is the higher you pay tax. I really hate governments who charge high tax! That is why I don’t like JULIA GILLIARD! She raised Tax if it was Abott (even if he is racist) tax wouldn’t be ridiculously high.

I am planning to work over time this coming Tuesday and Wednesday so hopefully I’ll get paid more in my next pay. I am hoping that I won’t get taxed as much as well because that’ll just make me want to shoot myself.

So here is the conclusion of my current life

I am officially a workaholic and taking advantage of working more while the other two new hired people (Steve and some other girl) is not working here at the kiosk. I am desperately wanting to lost weight because I swear that ever since I started this job I have been eating like a dinosaur. Also I want to do some driving lessons but because my saving habits is shit, I can’t save for shit so I have no idea how to pay for driving license every week. I should start my own Microsoft excel sheet on weekly budget; I have started my Microsoft excel for working ours and how much I should get paid and how much sales I got.

So far so good. Just jealousy with the whole Melbourne training happening for Steve.

I am sure things will get better.